In Canary Wharf
On Coping #156
I am in a Bupa hospital for a Colon Scan.
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Okay Mr.Perrin. Take off all your clothes and put on the gown. You can get changed in there.
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. . .
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Two days before I receive three 50ml tumblers of Omnipaque and four sachets of Moviprep.
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I am told to stop eating 36 hours before the scan.
I need to drink the Omnipaque three times throughout the day before.
This will ‘paint’ any remaining stool in my bowel so the doctor can tell the difference between that and anything more sinister.
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I am to take to Moviprep twice - one in the morning and once in the afternoon.
The two sachets are to be dissolved in 1 litres of water and then drunk.
They will send me to the toilet ‘more frequently that usual’ and clear out my bowel.
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I have never fasted before, despite watching you do it regularly.
It is tricky to pass up the peanut butter on toast, ham and cheese sandwiches and fajitas I serve the kids throughout the day.
But I am not as hungry as I thought I would be.
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And in fact, there is something strangely satisfying about abstaining.
I feel lighter (and okay, yes, thinner) but also stronger.
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The trips to the toilet are less satisfying.
27 times in 12 hours.
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How did you not complain about this to me?
You did it every six weeks.
I was barely aware.
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. . .
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On the day of the scan I catch the train to St Pancras sitting as close to the toilet as I dare.
Spare boxers in my bag just in case.
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I change onto the jubilee line and clench tight for the 14 minute journey to Canary Wharf.
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I come out of the underground and it’s like arriving in downtown Manhattan.
It’s years since I’ve been to this part of London
though we could see it every day from the top of Brockwell Park.
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It seems to have become a city in its own right while I wasn’t looking.
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The hospital itself is directly opposite the tube.
What is a hospital doing in the middle of Canary Wharf I wondered when I spoke to the Bupa call handler just prior to handing over my credit card details to be charged the £1,537 the scan is going to cost.
Walking into the clean white walled and glass building I now understand.
Get your colon checked between investment rounds.
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I am ushered upstairs and asked to fill in a form.
Marital status.
Next of kin.
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There is a bowl of fresh fruit.
I take an apple and a banana and put them in my bag.
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Once I am in my gown I am taken into what looks like an operating theatre by my radiologist Mo.
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Okay Mr Perrin please lie down here on your back.
Here’s what is going to happen now.
